Please feel free to share your (clean!) jokes and funny stories!


Postby member_3625 » Tue Jun 07, 2011 9:17 am

Banned from ASDA - Didn't like shopping there anyway!

Yesterday I was at my local ASDA buying a large bag of Winalot dog food for my
loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant?

So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't
have a dog, and that I was starting the Winalot Diet again.. I added that I
probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd
lost 2 stone before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out
of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to
load your pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two every
time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works
well and I was going to try it again..
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because
the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to
sniff an Irish setter’s backside and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

I'm now banned from ASDA

Better watch what you ask retired people. Brian,,,, :mrgreen:
Posts: 12
Joined: Tue Sep 07, 2010 10:23 am

Re: asda

Postby kim » Tue Jun 07, 2011 7:07 pm

That is hillarious :lol:
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Sep 07, 2010 10:23 am
Location: Grays Essex

Re: asda

Postby Bill » Tue Jun 07, 2011 8:19 pm

Check the Purina Diet already posted same joke
Posts: 151
Joined: Tue Sep 07, 2010 10:52 am
Location: Aberdeen

Re: asda

Postby icky » Fri Jul 05, 2013 12:04 am

A touch of plagarism here. Check the "Purina Diet" post on this forum ???
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Joined: Tue Sep 07, 2010 10:24 am
Location: E. Lothian

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